'Worried weekend away won't help us to kickstart our sex life'

Dear Coleen

My partner and I have an 18-month-old daughter and parenting has kind of taken over our lives, so our relationship has suffered quite a lot.

We haven’t had sex in a while and the longer the drought goes on, the more awkward it is to do it or even just to talk about it. My boyfriend’s parents have kindly offered to babysit in a couple of weeks, so we can have a weekend away on our own for the first time in a very long time. I’m looking forward to it.

But I’m also very nervous, as there will be no distractions – no crying baby, no work calls and no stuff to do around the house.

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I think the situation and the setting might put us under pressure to have sex and for it to be perfect.

We haven’t talked about our expectations for the weekend, other than how nice it’ll be to have a lie in.

I think he’s probably a bit nervous, too, but we are both happy to be getting a break.

Have you any advice on how we can reconnect over this weekend? I think it’s long overdue and very important for our relationship.

Coleen says

I think it would be good for you to just unwind and have some fun together. But my advice is not to think about it too much in advance. See how you feel when you get there – you might be all over each other the minute you step inside your hotel room, or you might fall into bed and sleep for 12 hours.

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It’ll be what it is, so take the pressure off yourself by not worrying about it and not having any expectations before you go, other than to have a well-deserved break. Maybe you’ll find a good time to talk about your relationship but, again, don’t force it.

I think it’ll probably feel natural to have some deeper conversations when you’re relaxed and don’t have the usual distractions.

If you’re going to focus on anything, then focus on having a laugh together and being able to eat and sleep when you like.

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I do think that if you’re having fun and really enjoying each other’s company, sex might follow naturally.

And, if it doesn’t, don’t worry about it. If the weekend helps you to reconnect and rebuild intimacy, then it’s doing the groundwork to help get your sex life back on track.